September 2003

Making her feel the same way

Q: After years of dating and thinking I would never find the right person, I finally have. At least I think so. I'm head-over-heels for a woman (23), but I just can't seem to make her feel the same way about me. We now live together, and are close to mates, yet she seems to give me the sense that all this is only temporary. I want her to love me as much as I love her and commit. What can I do?
AC, Dallas, TX

A: One thing I always recommend is to take the lead in situations. Don't let the situation lead you. At this point since you are living together, tell her how you feel. Tell her you love her. Tell her that SHE is the ONE for you. Importantly, though, you have to do more than tell her, you have to show her and live it! Words are cheap, after all. If you want a certain life, you have to build it. Build and you will know soon enough if she is really the one. If the efforts are reciprocated, she's it. If they aren't, well, you have be strong, AC, and move on.

Divorcee's search for fulfillment

Q: I'm a 32 year-old divorcee with two young children at home. My husband left us two years ago for another woman, and while this has been hard, I'm slowly getting past it. I (we) are well on the mend. My problem is, I don't want another man in my life, not yet anyhow; BUT I'm so terribly horny I can't see straight! I'm tried of doing myself, but what's a woman to do?!?
JC, Albany, GA

A: JC, admittedly, you don't have many options at this point to help you see straight again. Since you don't want a man in your life right now, all other paths seem rather unappealing. One night stands, "swinger" sites, etc. have so many drawbacks that your search for fulfillment would likely remain elusive, or actually get worse. Plus, taking care of children places considerable limits on your free time, too.

I've seen more attention being directed at the "friends who fuck" trend in the popular press. You might try getting hooked up into that arena; but something tells me there are a lot of strings attached to any friends who fuck. I think at this stage in your life you should slowly start meeting men, with no expectations of sex, and bit by bit get back in the game. You say you don't want a man, but want sex. Problem is: the man comes with the sex.

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